What and Why?

What; A translation of up and coming/past trailers from misleading marketing 'genius' (pork pies) to god's honest truth.

Why; It started with Jarhead's action packed trailer for an uneventful film and has been picking up pace ever since.

Bring on the beans

Drive....not fast but f***ing furious


This trailer was so misleading someone a woman from Michigan is attempting to sue the producers for false advertising. She may be  from the same side of sanity as the person who sued McDonald's for making them fat but she does a wonky stool to stand on.

The trailer draws us in to a high paced fast and furiousesque drama. There's potential for a little romantic sub plot and possibly an opportunity to see Ryan doing a bit of DIY. Certainly, we've got to expect some sick driving stunts with some cheesy lines and a fast paced thriller. The type of film you'd show you're 8 year old brother if he was after something a bit more exciting than Hurbie fully loaded.

Thank god I didn't. If I'd watched this blood bath when I was 8 I'd be ripping dolls heads off aged 9 and kicking the crap out of my classmates by middle school. The only hope I'd have had is if I'd flicked the channel after the slowest first half hour in action history. I couldn't find the exact figure but I'm pretty sure Gosling has about 15 lines all film. Not bad for a few million dollars.

Despite the lack of high paced adrenaline fueled car chases...and words the film didn't disappoint too much. If  patient enough to get involved Gosling's utterly complex character provided some interesting engagement. That and some pretty gruesome fight scenes left its mark and won an Oscar nomination.

A far cry from your notebook days Ryan.



The Primeval Crocodile...


This classic, not so well known marketing wizardry is actually bloody hilarious. The trailer is pretty terrifying. It talks about one of the world’s most prolific serial killers, who has claimed over 300 victims, and is still at large. 'Inspired by a true story'; although these words hold significantly less weight in the movie industry now we realise they don't need to be true, it's still a spine tingling touch.  Then of course it says that the killer is ‘not human.’  A 'not human' serial killer. So I;m thinking Charles Manson style so cruel can't be considered human. Then we see a boat fly out of the water, maybe Charles is a great swimmer or we have some kind of supernatural beast on our hands. The flash cuts don't allow us to see our killer but we're still pretty creeped out. Some supernatural killer/Charles Manson swimming God who still exists and has killed 300 people? This could be pretty sweet...

Who would have guessed the serial killers a fucking crocodile. Essentially leaving this film as just an over dramatised version of shark week, slightly altered of course. If these are the moral standards film trailers are setting we should expect to see something similar leading up to a film about the flu. It fits the bill. 'Serial killer, killed 1000s, still alive'. The opening numbers could be huge!